Dear Missus, How do I properly word the Directions from our Hotel to our Ceremony space without offending any of our family members?

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Dear Missus,

This is Amelia Sanders from Kenosha, Wisconsin. Honestly, I’m pretty stressed because my family situation is a bit complicated, and I’m having a hard time figuring out how to properly word the directions from my ceremony space to the reception in a way that won’t offend anyone. Help!




Dear Amelia,

Fantastic question! As you know, anything that is not properly phrased or is even perceived as insulting from a guest is definitely the bride’s fault. And let’s face another truth here little lady, some of your guests will likely be insulted no matter what you do. So here are some tips for creating directions that will help you not offend, or at least avoid a portion of the blame:

1.Assign your guests titles that will emphasize their paramount importance to you.

Here is my recommended wording for opening a set of directions: “most esteemed count and countess of (insert hometown) that doth grace all of creation with their existence and in their benevolency doth grace this occasion with their mere presence or thought of their presence. Their nobleness shall be sung of for generations to come.” You can go slightly off this template to fit your needs, but I recommend as few changes as possible unless you are looking for someone to be insulted by not paying them proper respect.

2. Have an artist create a map and sign it so you can have someone to blame if things go south.

If you worry that your crowd won’t be won by formality and flattery, consider having an artist draw out a map for your guests. Make sure the artist sign it and leaves their contact information so you can direct your guests complaints to the artist. You may want to consider preemptively vaguely yet sincerely apologizing for them map to ensure your guests know you think the artist messed up to. It will really throw them off your scent and make them think you’re on their side.

3. Don’t put it in writing. It’s much easier to deny things you say.

Have you considered not giving directions at all? In fact, I may suggest this for any wedding documentation – save the dates, invitations, programs, etc. If it is all word of mouth, it is much easier to deny you ever said it. Just something to think about.


The Missus