Grandpa Henry Thinks There are Way Too Many People at this Wedding


When Grandpa Henry heard that his beloved granddaughter, Melanie, would be getting married, he was elated. “She’s a fine young woman. And that Brian, he’s got a good head on his shoulders. A hard-worker. I was happy for them.” But he knew his granddaughter well, and a simple, small, family wedding would not suffice for her elaborate dreams. “I bet you they’re going to just have a huge hullabaloo with a million people and music that is way too loud,” he expressed. We caught up with Grandpa Henry during the reception and found him brooding in a corner. “I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHO THESE PEOPLE ARE,” he shouted over the 4-piece string quartet. Angry that he was seated with his sister who “just wears that awful perfume… I can’t even breathe near her,” he picked up his dinner plate and found a seat in the quietest corner he could find. “THESE PEOPLE SITTING AT THIS TABLE AREN’T EVEN AMERICANS,” he expressed about Brian and Melanie’s friends from their college study abroad trip in Australia. “I CAN’T EVEN UNDERSTAND WHAT THEY ARE SAYING,” he quipped, ignoring the stares of the English-speakers around him. “THERE ARE TOO MANY PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET.” However, Grandpa Henry is hopeful for the upcoming wedding of his other granddaughter, Claire. “She was home schooled, so she can’t know that many people,” he explained.